I do (missing moments from TCOT Carefree Coronary)
by StartWriting
Summary: Paul's heart attack causes Perry to consider telling Della Street about an important promise. A promise that has affected the friendship between the three of them in the best way possible, without her knowing about it. Complete.
1. I do ?

No need to say it's good to have seen TCOT Carefree Coronary before reading this one.

**1. I DO ?**

[TVshowscene starts here]

He is in the court room, the coroner is speaking, and he tries to concentrate on the facts displayed.

And though he has papers to study, details to remember by heart and reasons enough to think in all different layers of the truth at the same time, to interpret what he hears, he's aware of her presence before she's even close to the door that is about to open.

His facial muscles tense. He pretends nothing is going on, that nothing can be going on beyond his control, but he feels that something has happened.

_What is it, Della? Where are you ?_

And then she walks into the room, he feels it before it's happening, he smells her perfume and hears her voice in the nano seconds before she breathes his name in a way he knows something is very wrong.

Then he sees her, in his peripheral sight, throws his papers on the table, turns, stands up without thinking, directs all his attention to her, and the world stops mattering as he detects the nature of the tears that threaten to spill over her flushed face.

It's desperation, fear.

_My God._

His heart starts racing.

Her right hand is on her cheek, she squeezes her purse against her side, something she would never do because it is not ladylike, and so it is not like her, but she does it now, and that is another sign that there is a situation that moves beyond him.

For one moment he looks to the side, to the coroner, sees nothing but a blur, but says what is appropriate, quickly. " Excuse us, Mr. Coroner … " Before the coroner can answer and give permission, his head swings back to her, and he hopes the right words leave his lips.

_Baby, what's wrong ?_

" What's wrong ? " He grabs her upper arms. _Look at me._

" Dr. Hartland just called. Paul's had a heart attack. "

_What ? Paul ? _

The words do not reach his core. He refuses to let them get that far.

" He's dying … "

_No._

She falls forward, sobs against his shoulder and he closes his arms around her loosely, but she molds herself against him so automatically, he has to stop himself from holding her closer, burying his face in her hair; has to stop himself from bending his neck to rest his forehead on her shoulder. He simply cannot do this, not here, not now, not in public. He can simply not endanger her in that way.

" He's dying … " She whispers against his shoulder.

_No._

[TVshowscene ends here]

He wants to hush her, comfort her by swaying slowly and kissing her forehead, while he makes up reasons why it is not true what she says about Paul. But susurrant sentences have to be stored away for now. Apart from the fact that there are seemingly more important matters to attend to, he realizes again and simply that he can't display that he loves her.

The rays of Burger's eyes are already burning on his back.

Perry's sure Burger knows about the relationship that exists, that has been forming and establishing between him and Della Street. Burger is nobody's fool. Without a doubt, he must have deduced it from his sharp observations, he is, after all, the best D.A. that has ever stood in a court room. But Burger will never tell a soul, will never reveal this ultimate truth. It is true that Hamilton would never let Perry know publicly that he respects him, probably doesn't give a damn about public reputations for him personally, but knows as a professional he should take these forces into account. He can't care less maybe for the myth that has been created around Perry Mason, Attorney at Law. However, that myth, also does involve Della Street nowadays. Burger wouldn't want anything to happen to Della, and so he won't say a word about the affair between her and her boss. He wouldn't want to harm her.

Because Hamilton Burger is about as fond of Della as Paul is.

_Paul. _

_'He's dying.' No. Not part of the plan. Can't be._

He breaths shallowly, unbalanced, unevenly, tries not to shudder, tries to prevent his nerves from taking over, but it is close to useless. Adrenalin shoots to a higher level. He looks into her eyes, realizes that maybe the officer behind her will see what feelings the lawyer's trying to hide. But the friend, the lover that's also part of Perry Mason, whether he likes it or not, has surfaced already because of the helplessness of the woman he holds in his arms.

" We're going to the hospital now. " He whispers to her, and he watches her nod. She's shaking, about to tear up again, and he has to make sure they will have left this room before she does.

Reluctantly, he lets go of her arms to take care of necessary formalities.

He walks to the middle of the room, lifts his face and opens his mouth, but the coroner raises his hand and nods. No need to explain this apparently; it's already somehow approved. Details will probably follow later, the adjournment is a fact and they can leave. It must have been her posture, or his posture, or her teary face or the combination of the three that brought the message to the coroner before Perry could have done it with words.

They rush now, run through the hall way of the court house, they fly off the outside stairs together, are in a hurry to find the car, they need to get to the hospital, of course, and they have to be there, but what can they do? They will have to wait, maybe ? What has happened? What the hell has happened? A heart attack is impossible, at this stage of life, and as rugged as Paul is, the way he keeps himself in condition, the physical excercise he takes. That is, all physical excercise he takes, including some of the so called 'excercising' they don't really talk about together in detail, but share mischievous remarks about, like forty plus years old adolescents pretending to be grown-ups, feeling they are professionals on the subject.

A heart attack is impossible because of a lot of reasons but one is more important than all others, and they tumble over each other in his mind, working overtime.

_Paul. Damn it. _

_Della._

She throws his car keys at him, uncharacteristically moves to the door at her own side, waits until he's unlocked it from the inside. She climbs in while he starts the engine, she clutches her purse to her side again while the car drives away and its passengers think without sound until he speaks.

" What happened ? " He asks her, he needs to know if she knows.

" I don't know. " She sniffs. " We have to find out. "

" Yes. " He has to stop the car at a red light, taps the gass pedal, in a way the engine roars as a sign of his impatience.

_Paul._

All he's done, all that they've been through together travels through his mind at lightning speed. All their time spent together. All their work. The crimes they almost committed themselves to solve the crimes they were investigating, the discussions they had, every damn mistake they made, everything they learned, all the trips they took together before … Della.

_Paul._

The amount of bottles they shared. The evenings they dated the most beautiful ladies, had fun with girls, nights they fooled around, the numerous times he lied for Paul because of a woman, the times Paul lied for him because of a woman, before … Della.

_Paul. _

The ladies that have been on their side, the ladies that were in his bed, in Paul's bed, the fun they had, … the ladies they shared, before … Della.

Then it hits him.

_'He's dying.'_

" No. " Without warning he suddenly steers the car to the side of the road, he halts abruptly, and sits still. His hands are damp on the wheel. His chest rises and falls quickly in an unstable rhythm and she notices, starts to worry.

" Perry? "

" Just a minute … " He pants.

" What are you doing? "

" Just a moment … " He shuts off the engine, holds the car key in his right hand and sits back. His breathing is uncontrollable.

" Perry? " She starts panicking.

" I'm okay … I just … " He reaches for the door handle, opens the door and struggles to get out. Fumbling with his tie, he loosens it and opens the two top buttons.

" Perry! " She yells after him, throws herself across the front seat to climb out of the car at his side.

" Della … " He breaths consciously, in and out, tries to stabilize it, but it's no use. He doesn't know where he is, doesn't know the time of the day, doesn't know where he came from and does not know where he is going to.

The ground he's standing on is a swamp. But it isn't.

He sinks. But he doesn't.

_For God's sake, calm down, Perry Mason._

He starts walking. He has to get out of here, but out of where, and somehow, but how, and where is he going? And where the hell is he anyway? What is happening?

_'Paul's dying …'_

He's breathing very heavily, tries to control it still, but he fails. His heart is beating out of his chest.

_Paul._

He closes his eyes, squeezes them together. Reaches out for something to steady himself with, grabs through the air, finds nothing. And then his fingers brush the fabric of her jacket, and he grasps to hold her at her upperarms, then lets go.

_Paul._

He opens his eyes and the world is black.

_'He's dying.' _

" Stop it, Perry. " Della's voice is stable and low. It comes from afar, from a place somewhere in front of him, but somehow he's brought his hands against his cheeks and he can't see her.

" Perry. " She yanks one of his hands from his face, and because he feels it, he sees her fingers splay on their way up and then she hits him hard. He inhales, holds his breath.

The loud clap on his cheek brightens the world around him into the present.

He looks at her.

" Listen to me. Breathe. " She pushes her index finger against his shirt, just above the waistband of his slacks. He feels the pressure underneath his navel. " Breathe from here. Now concentrate. " Her voice is sharp.

It takes him minutes to consciously blow out enough air to balance himself again. He knows it is the excess of oxygen that caused the turmoil inside him. And now he knows she knows that too.

Slowly, while colours reappear, he feels she leans against him. Where are they anyway?

On the side of the road, but what road?

The road to the hospital. A road he knows by heart for all kinds of wrong reasons.

" I'm sorry. " He holds her. " Della. " Her arms wrap around his torso, loosely, and she rests her head against his now slow moving chest. He can rest his forehead on her shoulder momentarily and he does. He kisses her cheek before standing straight and tall, literally regaining his composure that way.

" Where did that come from, Perry ? " She looks up at him, feels he feels better.

" I uhm … that was nothing. I just uhm … " He looks around, shakes his head.

" That was a genuine panic attack, Perry, I know one when I see one. "

" You're right. But I was thinking about Paul … and that he can't be dying … "

" … can't be dying ? "

" Well, after all… " he swallows " … after all that we've been through. "

" I know. " She nods, thinks she understands.

He was thinking about Paul, his best friend, maybe his only friend, the best company for them to work with. The one who knows him better than he knows himself, the one he shares his dreams and his carreer with.

But she doesn't know she doesn't know everything, he wasn't just thinking about Paul. This is about Paul before Della. And Paul after Della. And Perry after Della.

Before Della, his love life was a joke. His profession wasn't, but his love life was. Full of energy, the dynamics of chasing and having different women, different tastes, all kinds of different looks and yes, all kinds of different positions. He did protect himself against the women and he did protect the women against him, but he feasted never less than he wanted.

But that was before Della. That was before he gave her the spare key to his office desk drawer, his office, his home, his car, the spare key to his private getaway.

Before he gave her the only key to his heart.

" I guess I did, I panicked. " He sighs, gradually feeling steady enough to drive again.

" That is so not you, Perry. "

" No. "

" Well, don't do that again … or you will have a heart attack too. "

" Della … " His hand rakes through her hair gently. His other hand strokes her cheek.

" Perry ? " She looks into his eyes.

" I don't believe Paul had a heart attack. It must have been something else. "

" But the doctor said so. " She says softly. " You might not want to believe it, because you don't want it to be true, but it is. "

" I can't believe he's dying. "

" He is. "

" He can't be dying, Della. "

" Well, he can, Perry. He's not immortal. And we have to go to the hospital now. "

" Yes, we do. " He says it but he's not convinced.

It's in the car, when he looks at her from aside and registers the paleness of her face, that he decides to tell her about Paul, and what she doesn't know about the bond they have. He has to tell her how he promised his friend, Paul Drake, that he would never ask her to marry him.

And how that has affected the friendship between the three of them in the best way possible.

He will tell her, but not now. They have to get to the hospital first.

**- TBC -**


	2. Don't

Thank you for reading this and being supportive. It's a treat, and more important than you might think.

**2. DON'T**

Earlier:

_The outside terrace of the restaurant was deserted, an awkwardness at this time of the day, but a welcome one. They were seated at a small round table, opposite of each other, Paul facing the road in front of the terrace, Perry facing the restaurant. _

_" Well ? " Paul asked with his loud voice, while two glasses of ice cold beer were placed on their table. " What is it you wanted to tell me? " _

_" It's about Della. " _

_" What about her? " _

_" I'm going to ask her to marry me. But I wanted you to know first. I want to know what you think. " Perry placed a little velvet box in the middle of the table, in between their two glasses, and Paul took it immediately. _

_" You're going to marry her ? " Paul asked, opening the box. He looked at the contents, nodded appovingly, then turned his eyes to Perry again. _

_" Yes. " Perry nodded, then shook his head. " Well, I'm going to ask her. "_

_" You are, hmmm ? " Paul asked._

_" Yes. I've been waiting a long time. And I have no reason to believe she won't say 'yes'. " Perry grinned. " I'm quite excited. " _

_" No, you're not. " Paul sighed and closed the lid of the box with a flat clicking sound. _

_" What? I'm not excited? " _

_" No, you're not asking her, and no, you're not gonna marry her. " _

_Perry laughed nervously, and then he was silent, chewing on the words and their possible meaning, before he spoke again. " Do you think she doesn't want to ? " _

_" Sjeeezz. " Paul rolled his eyes. " My God, Perry … she does want you. As much as you want her. Now, I know how much time you spend together inside the office, outside the office, and moreover I have a pretty decent idea how indecently you two spend that time as well. Moreover, moreover, I have seen you two together in positions I'd never dare to tell anyone about … " _

_" I'm sorry. " _

_" No, you're not, Perry. " Paul leaned forwards and took his glass. The other hand still held the little box._

_" You're right. I'm not. " Perry grinned dimple deep. _

_" We talked about this before. She loves you, Perry. I do think she wants you to be with her. That's not the issue. " _

_" Then what is the issue? " Perry asked. " Why shouldn't I marry her? " _

_" Seriously? " _

_" Yes, seriously. " Perry insisted. _

_" The issue is … my friend... amongst others … " Paul lit a cigarette, handed it over to Perry, then lit another one for himself. " Fire needs oxygen to keep burning. " _

_" I don't understand what you mean. Are you saying she needs to be free ? " Perry took a long drag from his cigarette, blew out smoke and watched it circle their table. _

_" Yes. No. You both need to be free. You both need your own space and time to breathe. You both feel better if you do. "_

_Perry made a dismissive gesture. " Of course one needs their own space and time. But you can have that if you're married. It's a matter of agreements, and respecting each other's ways. " _

_" Is it now? " _

_" Yes." Perry stated. " And we do know each other's ways. We work together, we practically live together, I know when to let her go. " _

_" Maybe. " _

_" I do, Paul. " _

_" All right, so you know, but how about this, Perry ? How do you feel, when you win a big case? " _

_" What the hell ? Paul … I don't get you. " _

_" No, you're pretending you don't get me. You do get me. Answer the question: how do you feel when you win a big case, Counselor? " _

_" Well, I feel good. Like a winner. " _

_" Yeah. And how long does that feeling last, Perry? "_

_" Well, a day or two, three… "_

_" No, no, no. It lasts exactly one day. You have a good meal, some champagne, you celebrate your success, share your triomphs, in all possible ways and positions … " _

_Perry smirked. _

_" … with your most loyal and valuable employee for Pete's sake, and then you start to get bored and you need the thrill and excitement of a new case. " Paul put out his cigarette. " A new _intellectual challenge_." He articulated the last two words with a sarcastic edge. _

_" I don't like the comparison you're suggesting here … " Perry grunted. _

_" What comparison is that? " Paul asked innocently. _

_" You're suggesting that marrying Della to me is the same as winning a big case. " _

_" Very well done, Mr. Attorney, and I think it is, to you. I think marrying Della is like adding a trophee to your collection of victories and conquests. "_

_" Paul … We've been together for years already … _

_Paul cut him off and continued stoicly " … a second Voltaire bust for your office. That's what she'll be to you. " _

_" Oh, Paul, that is ridiculous … " _

_" Think about it. " _

_Perry snorted._

_" No, think about it, Perry, what are the chances that once you have her as your lawfully wedded wife, it's going to feel different? That the hunt will be over ? Let me tell you, pal, you two need some unlawfulness in your lawful life. " _

_" I don't like what you're saying … " Perry held his head in his hands, and sighed. His voice was low. " I know what you mean but I don't like it. And it's not true. "_

_" Well, let's not take the chance, please … " Paul said nonchalantly " For her sake. " He finished his beer, and raised his hand to order another one. " And there's more. " _

_" It seems to me that you've been rehearsing this speech, Paul. " Perry held up two fingers to the waiter. He needed another beer himself as well. _

_" I have. A couple of times, as a matter of fact. " _

_" Why ? " _

_" Just in case. " _

_" Just in case. " Perry repeated. _

_" Just like that. " _

_" And just like that. " Perry nodded, pursed his lips. " So, what else, Paul ? Devil's advocate ? " _

_" Well, Perry Mason, Attorney at Law … " Paul slumped back in his chair and fingered his empty glass." You're going to hurt her. "_

_" No. " Perry's hands landed at the table hard and loud. He looked at his friend with wide eyes. _

_" You will. " _

_" No, Paul, no. " The words came out short and sharp. _

_" You will. We both know you will. You and I both know you, Perry. "_

_Perry sighed. " So, what's that supposed to mean ? What are you saying ? " _

_" From where I'm standing, well, sitting now, marriage is the easy way out for you, Perry. The ring around her finger will make you sure that she will never run into another man's arms. She will feel compelled to conform herself to you and your life. And we both know her. She's a good girl. So she will adjust herself. "_

_" I don't like what you're saying now even more than before … " _

_" I will make it more clear: The ring will do nothing to protect her against you, and your ways. " _

_Perry moaned and shook his head, directed his eyes to the sky and shook his head again, as if to will the thoughts away. But how right was this man? _

_Two new fresh beers were placed on the table. _

_" Have you not given that any thought? " Paul asked. _

_" No, why would I? " Perry answered shortly. _

_" Have you only thought about the commitment itself, the wonder of the moment, and not about the consequences ? For her? " _

_" No. Yes. Maybe. Maybe you're right. But … " Perry raised his hands as if he could catch the right answer in the air above him. " But … " _

_" But, but, but … what Perry? What do you want? A party? A celebration? You can have a party without a marriage, you know. You can celebrate your umpteenth birthday, or the anniversary of your practice. Why a marriage? " _

_" No, I want … I uhm … " Perry looked at his friend, and sighed deeply when clarity dawned on him visibly. _

_" You just want the world to know that she's yours, hmmm ? Make it big and announce it widely: _Mr. and Mrs. Perry Mason. _" Paul stated in a way he knew it sounded as blunt as it was meant to be. " Do you hear that? _'Mr. and Mrs. Perry Mason'._ She'll disappear, Perry. "_

_Perry opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again and looked the other way. He moaned. _

_" Yeah. I thought so. Never thought of it that way, did you? " Paul looked at the opposite side, at the other side of the terrace, and mumbled a curse. " You might just as well put a sign around her neck that says 'taken'. You moron. " _

_Perry looked at him from under his lashes. " I don't deserve that, Paul. " _

Yes, you do. _" Maybe not, Perry. But apart from that. " _

_" There's more? " Perry looked at him incredulous. _

_" Yes, there is more … " Paul said as his large hand slid over the table, straight past his fresh glass of beer._

_" No. " Perry exclaimed over-dramatically and made the same move. _

_Paul and Perry reached out for the little velvet box at the same time, but Paul was the first to grab it. " I just don't want her to be stuck in marital boundaries if she wants to run off with me after a while … " _

_" Run off with you ? " _

_" Well, what if she wants to? What if she gets fed up with you, Mason, and that is not something that cannot happen … " Carefully gauging the reaction of his best friend from aside, Paul opened the lid of the box, and studied the ring intensely before he threw a clear glance at Perry's face. " We both know how many times that has happened before … ladies do tend to get bored with you, or rather: with the priorities you set when it comes to your clients … " Paul sighed. " Or, what if you get bored with the woman. " _

_" Not with Della, Paul. " Perry snorted. " I'll never get bored with her. " _

_" It happened before … either way … " Paul said businesslike " … and it can happen again, and then I'll seize her and take her with me … " He blew out some smoke, while extinguishing his cigarette " … and then I will have to put up with a legal fight with you, and I know I will not stand a chance of winning. " He slid the ashtray towards Perry. _

_" You will never win a case against me like that. " Perry stated._

_" You see. That's what I thought. So, you're not getting married to her. "_

_" Now, all of this for your convenience, right ? " Perry played along with the game, not sure if it still was a game. Or if it ever had been a game. " What happened to 'protecting Della against me' ? "_

_" Well, you have to look at it this way, Perry, the knife cuts both ways, you know. It is for my own convenience, and hers. " _

_Perry grunted something unintelligible. _

_" I just told you it would be a bit too easy for you to just marry her ? " Paul continued. " So you can be sure of her presence without having to work for it ? " _

_" No. I love her. I just want to have her close to me, and … and … that was the reason why I wanted her as my wife … " Perry mumbled the last words, not wanting the possessive tones to sound through, in the meantime very much aware of the past tense he was using. _

_" Yeah, well, I know you, Mason. " _

_" This is different. " _

_" Yeah. I heard that one before too … " _

_" This time it is different. With Della it's different. I never, ever considered proposing before. " Perry persisted. " I've never felt so sure before. "_

_Paul nodded. He knew. But he refused to let it show. " Maybe it is. But in the meantime … I mean until I know for sure … " Paul fumbled the little velvet box in his fingers, and slid it into his left chest pocket. _

_" Paul! You … " Perry yelled, but his upcoming protest was cut off. _

_" No, you're not marrying the girl. " Paul was evenly persistent. _

_" Damn it, Paul Drake. " He wasn't feigning the annoyance now. " Give me back that ring. You have no right to do this. I'm old enough to know what I want with my life. "_

_" It's not just _your_ life you're deciding over right now, Perry … " _

_"I know that. I realize that." _

_" No, you don't. "_

_" I do. " Perry stated, sat back and brought both hands to his face to rub it extensively. _

_Just how right was this man ?_

_Paul's words were more serious than maybe even intended, hitting him hard. And he knew Paul. Knowing Paul was the same as knowing himself in some respects. But he wouldn't hurt her, he couldn't hurt her, yet and then again, what would the future do to him and make him do ? Would time be a friend ? Would time be friendly enough to treat them elegantly, and would time save her from harm if he couldn't do that himself ? _

_And was it a selfish act to ask her to marry him? _

_He gasped. Moaned. Took two large gulps from his beer. _

Damn it.

_What if Paul was right and he was wrong? _

_Paul's voice pulled him out of his train of thought. " You damn me, Perry Mason, but I'm quite convinced I'm preventing you from doing the wrong thing. One: you two both need your freedom, you need your own air to breathe, and two: she needs to be protected against you, because sooner or later you will hurt her, and three: one day she might have enough of you, and then if she wants to come along with me … I wouldn't want anything to be in her way. So, basically, the knife cuts three ways. Better for you, better for me, better for her. " _

_" One day she might have enough of me … " Perry mumbled thoughtfully. _

_Paul smirked. " That's the one that bothers you most, isn't it? "_

_" Yeah. Because then you will propose to her … " Perry looked at the half-full glass in his hands, then at his friend, smiled hesitantly. " And you'll do that with the ring I bought for her. " He pointed at Paul's left chest pocket. _

_" Of course. " Paul stated, then took a large gulp of beer as well. " Mind you, I will have to kill you first for being a complete moron, but then I will marry her, Perry. " He took another sip, and put the glass down loudly. " No, no, wait, I will force you to be my best man, so you can witness me marrying your Della Street. I will make you feel so miserable if you mess up with that lady, Perry Mason, you'd wish I had killed you in the first place. " _

And I had wanted to ask you to be my best man, wandering boy …

_" And then it's all right for you to just marry her? " _

_" Of course. " Paul confirmed. _

_" What if she says 'no'? " _

_Paul snorted. _

_" And what about the air _you_ need to breathe, Drake? "_

_" Ah …__Mr. Attorney … Using my own words against me … "_

_" Yes. Now give me back that ring … " Perry gestured with an ushering movement of his index finger. _

_" No. You … Perry Mason … " Paul pointed at his friend. " … just make sure I can never use it. " He looked into the blue eyes across the table seriously, but Perry's next few moments of solid silence humoured Paul so much, he couldn't suppress his smile. _

_Perry noticed and tried a joke. " Uhm … is there a … probation time ? " _

_" You seriously want to negotiate a probation time ? About Della? " Paul snorted. " The fact that you're even thinking about this all now, means that not getting married is the right decision, Perry, think about that … " _

_Pery fumbled with his fingers." So … Marriage is too easy here … " _

_" Yeah. " Paul nodded slowly. _

_" … and unless I do my very best to keep her happy, you will take her away from me. Am I correct ? " _

_" That's right, Mr. Deducing-the-facts. You will have to work very hard on it, Perry Mason, to make damn sure she will never have enough of you. " _

_" And that she will never think of leaving me. Not even for you. "_

_" Right. " Paul watched him, and pointed at him again with his index finger. " And now, don't go on thinking it's just an empty threat, Counselor. I can and will take her away from you if you fool around, or if you don't treat her right." _

_" I'm sure you will, Paul. " _

_" You better be, Perry. And now you promise me you'll spoil her, make her days nothing but happy. You can be her man without the vows, Perry. You two don't need the institution. She loves you. Protect her. Love her. Make her life beautiful. " _

_" I will. " Perry said low. He swallowed. _

_In his own way, Paul would protect Della against him and his ways, more than he could ever do that himself. _

_Would not marrying Della Street mean that he loved her even more? Would not marrying Della Street mean that he loved her more than himself? Did he love her more than he loved himself? _

_He did. _

_And so, Paul was right._

_" Paul, remind me of this, when I'm about to do something I might regret. "_

_" The hell I will. If you can't take care of that yourself ... all the more chances for me to become her husband … " Paul's gaze was frantic, then softened as he made a dismisive gesture. " Oh, I probably will. I probably will warn you when you're about to mess up. I know how much she loves you, and I love her too much to knowingly let you hurt her. " _

_" You do. " Perry confirmed._

_" Yes, I do. You ? " Paul asked. _

_" Yes, I do. " Perry spoke softly, nodded._

_A strange deep silence fell between them as if to emphasize what had just been said. _

_" Well, that did sound like a darn marriage vow, didn't it ? " Paul grinned the awkward moment away. " '_Yes, I do' ' Yes, I do'_ " He mouthed, wiggling his head. _

_Perry snorted. " Damn you, Paul Drake. Now I end up being married to you instead of to her, you bastard … I even gave you the appurtenant ring … " _

_They looked at each other, silently at first. A short and slow snort caught them both at the same time, and then another. They both looked away, chuckled a little and then burst out into laughter, raising their glasses, clunking them together dangerously loud. " That means I'm your man now, Mason. And you're mine. " Paul laughed as their glasses still hung in the air together. _

_Perry roared with laughter. _

_Paul was the first to be able to speak again. " Nah, I'm not your man." _

_" You're not, hmm ? "_

_" But I am your best friend. " _

_" That you are. " _

_" And you did make me a serious promise, pal. And I'm gonna hold you to it." Paul patted his left chest pocket. " For her. " _

_" I did make a promise. " Perry nodded, twisted his glass in his hand, and took a last sip as he emptied his drink. " For her. " _

_" And I'm gonna remind you of it. Until the day I die, Mason. " Paul finished his beer, and placed his glass next to Perry's. _

_" Until the day you die, hmm ? " Pery nodded slowly. " So, that will be … all my life … " He sighed contentedly. _

_" What do you mean? " Paul asked. _

_" Well, I'm dying before you. And before Della for that matter. " _

_" Yeah ? "_

_" Yes. I will not go through the loss of her, or you, or both of you. " He pursed his lips, and continued softly. " I wouldn't survive that anyway. " _

_" You see? You're one selfish son of a … " Paul growled over the table." So you grant us the immaculate honour to grieve about your mortality, right ? " _

_" Uhm … " Perry frowned. _

_" You hadn't thought of it that way yet, had you? " _

_" No, not really. " _

_" You're such a bastard, Mason. " _

_Perry grinned. " Well, I will be that too, until the day you die. "_

_" Yeah. Until death do us part … " _

_" Isn't that … " _

_" Yeah, that's also part of the marriage vows. " Paul said._

_" Good to know. " _

_" Yeah. " _

_" I hate you. " Perry threw a playful look at Paul. _

_" Yeah. I hate you too, Mason. " _

_" Now, do we or do we not sound like a married couple? " _

_" We do. For better and for worse. " _

_" It's actually: in sickness and in health. " _

_" Whatever you say, Perry. " _

_Perry took in a deep breath, and relaxed his shoulders, leaning back against the chair in deep thought. _

_Paul sat back as well and saw it happening, like he had seen it time and time before, but this time it was stronger, and much more evident. He witnessed how his best friend, the great Perry Mason, became unconsciously aware of Della Street's presence, before he could have detected her nearness with his senses. Because his breathing leveled, the set of his jaw untightened, a slight smile appeared on his lips. His eyes twinkled, one large hand disappeared in his trouser pocket, and he tilted his head. One long leg crossed over the other. The frown softened. _

_" What ? " Perry just looked at Paul, who registered the further change of the lines on his friend's face, and saw his features mellow. _

_Paul just shook his head. " Nothing. " _

_But Della had to be close. _

_And she was. _

_Slowly she walked onto the terrace behind Perry, but he couldn't see her. The soft ticking of her heels on the pavement betrayed her approach. _

Tick, tack, tick, tack_. _

_All the rest was silent. _

_He heard her, felt her warmth, smelled her and then saw her too. The reflection of the lady that was Della Street in Paul's smiling eyes made Perry swallow hard. _

_" Hi Paul. " Her voice was deep, creamy, elegantly, tasteful. _

_" Hi Beautiful. " Paul smiled at her. _

_" Perry. " It was barely a whisper. He looked up into her fascinating deep green brown eyes, and said nothing, just thought about what he had wanted to say today. Why he had asked her to be here. How he had wanted to kneel down for her, and what words he would have used to ask for her hand. How he would have cherished the ring around her finger, how he would have kissed her hand afterwards, how he would have welcomed her tears and her soft 'yes'. _

_And then he thought about the possibility that she could say 'no'. _

_And then he thought about why his pocket, the one his hand was in right now, was empty. And he thought about the ring, and where that ring was right now, and how it was simply not possible to buy another ring for the same purpose. Not with her ring in Paul's chest pocket. _

_Everything he wanted ruined by his own flaws, held up to those flaws by someone with the same damn flaws. _

_His thoughts ran away from him. _

_He thought about how hard he was going to work to have her unadulterated attention and give her his unadulterated attention for the rest of their lives, and how much he was looking forward to that. _

_How much he was looking forward to making sure Paul never showed that ring to her. _

_And how he didn't like Paul's words, and how he did, and how this could be a blessing in disguise. _

_How this connected the three of them._

I wanted to ask you to marry me, baby, but I just made a promise that resembles the commitment I am looking for very accurately, and even better than I care to admit.

_Being married to Della Street without being married to her. _

_He decided he wanted to start practising communicating without words, an art he would refine with her, cultivate and master with her, until, well, yes, until the day he'd die. And that would be before Paul died. And before Della. _

I love you, Della …

I love you too, Perry … _Her lips hadn't moved. _

_He sighed. _

_It already worked. _

_" Am I interrupting something? " She raised her brows. _

_" No. " But he nodded. _

_" No? " She nodded with him, chuckled softly. _

_Maybe he would tell her one day how Paul Drake had just pushed their lives together into a different direction. But not anytime soon, because he had to stop his eyes from roving over her, feeling the pressure in his chest subside completely, and the tension in the muscles of his hands and face relax. Both tension and pressure traveled through him, causing another physical state to arise. Another warmth started to spread from the pit of his stomach throughout him, permeating every pore, flushing him, making him feel very warm and very cold at the same time. He sighed, shifted in his chair. She seriously thrilled him, worked him up, and just by being close. _

_Fire needs oxygen. _

_Perry wished, hoped Paul didn't notice, but he did. _

_He grinned, stood up and gestured to her she could take his seat. _

_" Oh, Paul, but you don't have to … I can get another chair. " _

_" Oh, no problem, Beautiful, I was leaving anyway. " Paul held out his hand to Perry, while watching Della. _

_" We might have to get back to this uhm … subject someday. " And now he watched Perry. _

_" I sure hope not. " Perry said._

_" The only one who can make that happen, is you, my friend. " Paul patted his chest pocket._

_" Perry. " They shook hands. _One

_" Paul. " Perry watched him. _Two

_" Della. " Paul blinked at her. _Three

_" Bye Paul. " Della said as Perry took his chair and placed it next to Paul's, now Della's. _

_They both followed him with their eyes, as he walked to his car. Once seated in his shiny black convertible, Paul shook a cigarette out of a crumpled package, lit it, and looked at the couple on the terrace through the smoke he blew out. _

_" He's acting weird, don't you think ? " Della asked. _

_Perry shrugged. _

_Paul coughed, patted his chest pocket again, and waved before driving away. _

_Perry nodded shortly, then directed his gaze at the lady seated at his side. _

_" Is something wrong with his heart? Is he having chest pains? " Della asked. " He's patting his chest all the time. " _

_" I don't think so. He's too young and too fit to have heart problems or a heart attack or something. " Perry smiled, took her hand, looked around to make sure he wasn't seen by anybody and kissed her fingers, long, staring into her eyes in a way she had to know and feel how he felt. " Now, can I get you anything, my lady ? " He asked softly. _

_" Well, you should know. You told me to be here, and so here I am. " She smiled. " What were you planning to get me ? " _

_" A whole life of opportunities and challenges, Miss Street. " He said truthfully. _

_" Ow … " her tone of voice was playful tonight. That was enticingly dangerous. " And what about … some peace and quiet ? Some quality time every now and then? " _

_" At times, yes. I can arrange that … I can do anything for you. All you have to do is ask … " _

Or not ask.

_He moved his chair closer to hers. _

_" Sounds promising … " She leaned sideways toward him. She looked around, decided it was safe to show how she felt, and smiled into his eyes. " I think I'll go with that kind of life for a while … " _

_" How long's a while? " He asked low, moved until his face was just inches away from hers. _

_" I'll let you know … " She couldn't finish the sentence because his lips were attached to hers._

_" Just say it. " He whispered after letting go, studying the wonder that was her face. " Say it and I'll make it happen. " _

_" Just take it easy on me. Do you want to do that for me? " She asked. _

_" Oh, yes. " He kissed her again. " Yes, I do. "_

I do.

_She smiled against his lips. " Really, Perry, why did I have to come? " _

_" I just wanted to see you, have you with me. " He said softly, looking in her eyes. _

_" Well, now that I'm here, what are we going to do? " _

_" Let's get out of here. " He whispered, quivering from the thrill of all possibilities suddenly laid out in front of him. Yes, fire needs oxygen, always and in all ways. _

_" All right. " She said, shaking her head in humourish wonder. _

_They stood up slowly. _

_" Where do you want to go? " He took her hand._

_" I don't really care. You know it makes me happy to be with you, anywhere. "_

_" I want to take you to my place. " His voice was hoarse. _

_" That could be nice … " _

_" I … " He started to say something but was cut off by the words of his best friend, hammering through his mind. He cleared his throat and started a new sentence. " _We_ can do anything we want … " _

_" Yes, Perry, we can. We're good together. " _

_" Yes, we are ... " He sighed. _

_Was it a coincidence she wore white today?_

**- TBC -**


	3. We do

**3. WE DO **

[hospital scene from TCOT Carefree Coronary]

But Paul will not die, he simply can't. Not now anyway.

His mind works overtime to come up with a different reason why Paul is in that hospital bed, his hands crossed on his abdomen, his breathing shallow and barely visible. This is what it is going to look like if he … when he …

Perry pushes the thought away and speaks, addresses the doctor. " It just doesn't seem possible. As rugged as Paul was, the way he kept himself in condition … " He bites his tongue for using past tense, but he doesn't show the mental kick he gives himself. It's no use to deploy past tense here. Paul's not dying. It's that simple.

But the plastic that is separating him from the rest of the world adds a sphere to the hospital room that hints at absurdism. Perry notices he's been holding his breath for too long, and blows out. It reminds him of the black-out he just had, of the feeling of fading away, being out of control.

And then he thinks of the lady on the other side of the door and the panic subsides. He focusses.

" It's probably the only reason he's lasted at all. " The doctor says it softly.

" All these years, the things he's done for us, the risks he's taken … and now this happens … a heart attack. " _It wasn't a heart attack, was it doctor ?_

" It wasn't a heart attack. " The doctor says.

_Ah, I knew that … _" But I saw the emergency report. It said… "

" I know. But when I got here, they told me that before Paul passed out, he called my name and said one word: poison. "

" Poison? " _You see, Paul Drake, you're going to live. I, of all people, need you to live. _

" If I had treated Paul for a coronary like Jack David, he'd be dead now. But we didn't. "

_You, Paul Drake, you're going to live. _

The doctor continues. " We pumped his stomach, and administered emergency medication. "

" And he is holding his own? " _And mine?_ _And hers? _

" For now. " the doctor confirms.

" I'm going to ask for a postponement of that inquest. " Perry ponders out loud.

" There is nothing you can do here. " The doctor ushers him to the door, wants him to leave obviously. " I don't anticipate a crisis for several hours. I'll notify you immediately at the slightest change. "

" All right, thank you, doctor. I know you'll do your best for him. " Perry opens the door, steps through it as his eyes search for her and find her next to him in an instant.

" He's still weak, stil unconscious, but he's holding on. "

_Let's get out of here, Della. Paul's going to make it, and I need to make love to you, baby. _

" I don't care, I'd like to wait here, until we're sure Paul's all right. "

_Okay._

" Of course. " He takes her hand in his. " You wait here. " He squeezes the hand, beams at her, then lets go. [scene ends here] " If that is what you want. Wait here. "

_It is what I want. _

The hospital hall is quiet.

" I do. " She whispers. Her bottom lip quivers as he walks away.

" Della … " He turns back to her.

" Yes ? "

" I love you. "

The tears threaten to spill from her eyes as she looks at him. " Oh, Perry, you know I love you too, but I will wait here for Paul. I want to know when he will be all right. "

" That's okay, baby. When I said 'I love you' I didn't mean that you have to come with me. It's not the same. " He takes her right hand in his right hand. " I just want you to know. "

" Perry. " She whispers softly, looks up at him into his eyes, straight into his mind. " I'm glad you aren't so worried anymore … but we have to be realistic. "

" He's not going to die, Della. "

" He's mortal, Perry. He will one day. "

" I know, but it's not going to happen today. And not anytime soon. " He says it softly, fumbling with her fingers.

" I sure hope so. " She sniffs. " We need him, Perry. "

" Yes, we do. " He confirms.

_We do._

He looks around through the hall, first from left to right, then behind him.

There is no one there, no prying eyes, no one to have an opinion that no one is waiting for.

He leans forward, places his left hand on the wall next to her and bends down, kisses her soft lips once, twice, three times. " Let me know how he is. " He breathes the words against her lips.

" Just come back to us here quickly. " She's so close, she smells so good, she's soft, she's so perfect. But she doesn't want to come with him now, and so he just has to wait. For her. He adjusts his pace, in the exact way he was told to do.

" I will. "

" Do you want me to phone you when he wakes up? " She asks.

" I do. " He can't suppress a smile, presses the dearest kiss to her forehead and breathes deeply, evenly, before repeating. " I do. "

**- DONE -**

* * *

* This is one of the most plausible reasons I could come up with, for why Perry and Della are not married.

* The best, OldEnglishD, has found time to beta this, while working one of her own stories. Thank you, D. !


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